Paying for Your Life Choices

Incidentally, I caught a repeat episode of Sex and the City
I’m sure we all remember Carrie Bradshaw and her theories for Singlehood with an entire collection of Shoes!

In this particular story, Carrie attended a kid’s birthday party
It was her friend’s 2nd child and the host required the guests to take off shoes
Of course, we have different cultures whereby the term ‘baby shower’ is loosely used for a baby’s month-old party when in western cultures – it’s actually intended for pregnant ladies to celebrate before popping the baby~
In this case, in western cultures – walking into someone’s house with your shoes on is common while it is definitely not respectful in our culture…

I wouldn’t wear expensive shoes to someone’s house when I know I will have to leave them unattended
This was exactly what happened to Carrie Bradshaw… her USD485 pair of heels were stolen
When there wasn’t any further news on her lost shoes, the host offered to pay for them but was alarmed at how expensive the shoes were
She said:
“Why should we pay for your extravagant shopping?”



“Why should I be paying for your Life choices?”

For 1, I didn’t choose to get married
I didn’t choose to pop babies
I didn’t choose to have kids’ birthday parties
Then why are you always inviting me and in totality, I probably spent 2-friggin-thousand bucks on your life choices!
Yet, the shoes ain’t coming back?


This really got me thinking down to dollars and sense~

Yes, I love my friends and I also love my shoes + dresses
I would be able to attach a $ value to the items in my wardrobe
whereas paying for your weddings and baby showers and kids’ birthdays gave me no Return on Investment

What if…
I never got married
I never popped babies
Does it mean I’m never getting those monies back?

If you chose to have those ceremonies and parties, why do I have to contribute to the party of your life?


Putting things in perspective….

say I attended 1 wedding per month giving an average rate of $188 for red packets for the last 10 years
(judging by the amount of friends I have – this is a reasonable prelude to the real sum of monies)

188 x 12 x 10 = $22,560 
Not including closer buddies where I give from $288 to $388

Thereafter, comes the babies!
Month-old party invites come to me about 6 times a year for the last 8 years
Depending on the location and the extent of the lavishness of the party, I give about $50 to $100 plus presents
On average it’s about $350 x 8 = $2,800

It doesn’t stop there…
What about the 2nd kid, or the 3rd kid?
What about the 2nd birthday, 3rd yr birthday, 4th yr old birthday and it goes on!
I would have to safely put aside $5,000 for all these parties if I accepted all the invites ~


I totally don’t see a point in going through customs
but of course, who am I to say if those were your beliefs
Just that I hope that people also understand my perception of how unnecessary these parties are

&… Do I get a refund if you got a divorce?

Sometimes, Singlehood is a choice and it also can be a helpless choice
when you did not opt for it and it just happened
So, where’s the equation?
Isn’t this an unjustified one?


What I’m eventually trying to get at, is this:

  • Don’t criticise my choice of singlehood
  • Don’t make me pay for your life choices unless you know I would totally do it (telepathic friendships require no explanation)
  • Don’t be upset with me if I turn you down
  • Don’t make statements about my new purchases coz they are more important than you
  • When you decide to throw parties, you can’t expect your guests to pay for them
  • You chose to spend your money on the party-of-your-life, I choose to spend mine on the shoes-of-my-life, we are QUITS



credits: images from and google images

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