Perspective

Valentines’ Day Special: 14 Species I Avoid Dating

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Valentine’s Day was never a special date to me
EVER….

When I was still a kid in school, it was celebrated as a Friendship Day
I was a happy soul giving out friendship bands I’ve weaved out of embroidery threads to both boys and girls
telling them that they were important to me
(ok… once important to me)
How many friends held your hand and travelled 10 years with you?
yea, you got the idea
So… trash that Friendship Day

Having my BFFs and family with me every day of the year
is already worth celebrating

I’ve been thrown with the same exact question
almost (95% hit rate) every single time I meet someone new
WHY NO BOYFRIEND?

eh, it’s pretty tiring to repeat myself over and over again – since I always meet new people & you should never stop meeting people –
hence, I’m gonna throw you my blog link to read next time!

I think it’s ‘karma’
In the past, I used to make this statement whenever I meet an old (subjective as we age), single individual
“This person confirm got problem, so old already still single…”

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Thereafter, a series of unfortunate events………
Before you judge me as having high expectations or being high maintenance, try fitting yourself in the following descriptions

Meet the 14 species of dudes who were too clouded for their own good

1. The Phone Caller

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Your call was declined for a reason/many reasons
For one, I dislike being on the phone
We’re in the texting age
Please text –  I reply instantaneously – If I do not, either I’m sleeping or you’re just unimportant
If you did not get a return call for me, you should be able to get the message

2. The Know-it-All

You may have many dating experiences, but You don’t know me
Stop applying one formula to all your dates and pretend you understand me
I’m sure you don’t put on identical underwear 365 days a year

3. That Fake Accent

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You’re Singaporean – check
You studied locally – check
You’ve never lived overseas for more than 2 years – check
You’ve never had a speech training class – check

So where the hell did that inaccurate British accent come from?

4. The Acting Mr Popular

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Seriously? I wonder if you do look into the mirror before leaving home
There are some real popular people
But NO, stop hypnotizing yourself

5. The Emo F**k

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I am starting to realise that the norm is getting a lil twisted
with men being the emotional creatures, experiencing weekly hormonal changes and expecting pacification
I don’t deal well with emo shit
The best I can do is to ignore you

6. The Boy

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Is that too much to ask for?
We make advancements as we grow
Stop retarding

7. The Keyboard Warrior

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With dating apps such as Tinder, Paktor and Ok Cupid in place
I’m sure we can compile a textbook of Keyboard Warriors’ messages
Here’s one to share:

Dude: Hi, why are you still single?
(ok, just a variation of WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND)
Me: Haven’t met any good ones
Dude: Would you consider me?
Me: Why should I consider you?
Dude: Coz I am good looking and I have a good body
Me: What about intelligence?
Dude: I have a MBA from SMU and IQ score 184, so got chance?
Me: No

8. The Fake Richie Rich

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If you think that by acting rich and telling stories about your networth can attract girls…
I feel sad for you
really….
But there’s just too many of you out there
I have no idea why you stress out on your own finances
Only be generous if you can afford it, else stop faking it

I have good relationships with a pretty wholesome network = I have reliable sources about you

9. The Cat that Eats All Fishes

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The guy who cheats on girlfriend/wife – indifferent
though it’s really common now
but still highly unacceptable and immoral
“The only cat that refuses to eat fishes – is a dead one”

10. The Serial Married Man

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and you want to get married again?
What’s wrong with you?!

11. The Fisherman without a Bait

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You can sit there all day and daydream then
You’re not Yu Weng, hence Yuan Zhe will never Shang Gou
(Chinese saying)

You NEED TO INVITE ME OUT
by specially stating a date, time and location
You will never get a slot if you’re always asking:
“When are you free?”
I’m never free for you, make an appointment!

12. The Ah Beng

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The innate Ah Lian in me is secretly in love with those who are innately Ah Beng as well
Not the Full Blown ones, mind you
Can you at least be packaged with classy wrapper?

13. The Permission Seeker

I’m not your mother and neither are you a caged animal
Another kind of permission seekers are those who have been well trained by their exes to always ask for that ‘special pass’ before proceeding with their plans
What happened to manhood and brains?

14. The Stalker

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The kind who reads every single status and photo posts on your facebook timeline
He also checks out all your activity
He remains untraceable as he will never spare a LIKE or Comment for you
Come on, why are you so stingy?

It’s scarier than the kind who likes every single post you have – at least you’re aware of who’s looking…

I welcome all other Gentlemen who do not have the above 14 propertiesYou are allowed check out my Facebook profile

signoff

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