Perspective

On Friends, Work & Life with R

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Thank you 2015
It’s been a superbly good year, with blessings and with tears
Though it has not come to the end yet, I’ve constantly been counting my blessings

Of course, 2015 has its ups and downs
started off being really dreadful
I lived out of a luggage and 2 bags – homeless, torn & tattered
never moved for shelter so many damn times within 3 months
Received help from several friends who asked for nothing in return
Got F**ked over (as usual) by people who doesn’t realise that by doing so would cause me to be left in a lurch
well, they don’t give a damn, do they?

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I cried to sleep every night
& tried to remain sleeping
coz waking up and facing reality was too painful

While everyone else thinks my life is too awesome to be true, this is the hardest truth that is known to the few
I don’t need you to understand what I went through
I don’t need you to believe this is happening
I don’t need you to judge

All I can say is that I’m grateful to be sane
From all the strength and assistance given to me by friends
After being abused at home for 30 years, I took the final step to leave the negativity behind and make life better for myself
For everyone who has been in my life, if you may recall – I never liked to go home
I would stay out as much as I can and avoid going home as much as possible
Tolerating this shit can no longer be a viable move
If I don’t help myself, no one else can
True enough, things continued to look up and look better than ever before

Why didn’t I make this move earlier?

Despite being nomadic
moving from shelter to shelter
I will always remember the people who accepted and gave me a roof over my head
even if that was for a few days, I’m forever indebted and grateful
No matter how tough this period was, I can assure you that it was the happiest time of my life
Paradoxical isn’t it?

Just as when things wasn’t looking up at all
Life gave me a whirlwind romance

Life with R

A whirlwind romance which I would never imagine having
especially when we’re already in our 30s
Say Hello to Mr R

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The man who gave me love, food and shelter
The man who told me that I’ll never have to fight anything alone ever again
The man who set reasonable parameters for my personal development
The man who took such good care of me that it produces quantifiable results – a 7kg weight gain

Me: “What did I do to deserve you?”
R: “Just keep on eating well, eat more!”

Of course, R is not a saint
He has his shortcomings which can be easily embraced
Most importantly, we live well together and he loves me for who I am

Some things Don’t Change

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Friendships that go a long way back don’t change
They are there for the worst and for the best

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There’s also too many people left out from here
You know who you are
I’m writing this because I want you to know that I never forgot your goodness
& I would like you to be here for my good times as well
Please don’t exclude yourself

There are moments which I can’t fathom
when life took on for the better
I have friends leaving me as well
which made me realized that they are the people who were feeding off my agony

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After being in the dumpster for umpteen years and being in the company of friends whom I thought I found comfort with
This was a total facade
I still can’t quite come to terms with it

Friends’ behaviors post R

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I still have an entire list of statements of people nitpicking on every aspect of me
I wouldn’t have given much of a shit if it didn’t come from people who I really cared about
I had no idea that you will be so upset when I am leading a happier life
I had no idea that you are so sore about it
This disposition makes me really uncomfortable

Work

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I’ve been homeless before and I never want that to happen again
A job keeps me away from that situation
Whether or not I like it much, I just had to clock the hours and get on with life

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The largest perk of my job is that I’m left alone most of the time
I understand that most people would prefer to have a chummy working environment where they can live and work harmoniously in the common space of an office
The versatile me can thrive in any condition, just that I would prefer to be left alone, really~

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I would really like to expand that statement a little….
I have extensive experience in dealing with stupid people who think they’re the most intelligent creatures on earth
I’m not sure if it’s a marketable skill but I am definitely looking for a change
Working for people who can garner my respect would be something refreshing~

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– Right –

Too many things happened this year & it’s still not over yet
It’s definitely one of the highlights of my life
The major turning point and I would like to give myself a pat on my back for being the strong and positive person
who kept my own life going!

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